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Neutron bomb
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A Neutron bomb is a massively destructive weapon developed in 1992 by Tesco's Geodestruction, Omnicide, and Necrophilious Annihilation Division (GONAD) developed through its subsidiary company The Cuddly Bear Company. The development of a weapon of this magnitude was necessitated by the divisions compliance with Tesco's "Fuck it - let's just destroy stuff" strategic initiative, which was developed in the late eighties. The concept of the Neutron bomb itself was formulated by one of the divisions most gifted scientists - Corinthian Hyperkill.
Tesco: A force to be reckoned with
Dannih150Added by Dannih150

The Neutron Bomb is, in principle, based on an Atomic bomb. But, it is here that the similarity ends, for the Neutron bomb actually has nothing to do with an Atomic bomb: the Neutron bomb actually involves a runaway nuclear chain reaction - a lot like in an Atomic bomb.

Dr Hyperkill came across the idea of the Neutron bomb whilst working at the GONAD labs late one night (the time of the day when all great discoveries are made) on a separate project on trying to develop a contagious, but ultimately harmless, disease that would cause sneezing, chesty coughs, a sore throat, and a runny nose, and which would return year after year at around the same time - winter, say. Whilst in the middle of one of the experiments he suddenly realized that nuclear radiation was dangerous: once he realized this the rest was easy.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 How it Works
* 2 How to make one yourself
* 3 Social Impact
* 4 Interesting facts
* 5 See Also

[edit] How it Works

The key components of a Neutron bomb are Uranium, Plutonium, Coke, Weetabix, and 5 Jaffa Cakes (one for each resonant node of the resulting quantum loop-gravity tensor field). The initial nuclear explosion produces copious amounts of lethal gamma rays that subsequently reacts with the coke. The end result of this reaction is the creation of microscopic little coke-like humanoids called neutoids. Neutoids have the uncanny ability to produce ultra destructive elements from whole grain cereals. However, they are bastard-lazy, so in order to perk the lazy bastards up again, they must be given a quick energy snack (the Jaffa Cakes, which must be placed at the points where the tensor field destructively annihilates). The neutoids can then finally complete the convesion of Weetabix into:

1,1,5-tricyclohexan-2,2-dioldiphenyl-1,4,8-trinitroethanoxyrobertobaggiopenta-1,4-diflourobutylene
1,1,5-tricyclohexan-2,2-dioldiphenyl-1,4,8-trinitroethanoxyrobertobaggiopenta-1,4-diflourobutylene. Do not get into eyes.
TwatAdded by Twat

- one of the most deadly chemicals known to man. This highly unstable chemical spontaneously explodes 2.8 seconds after creation in a hail of microscopic fanfare and general merriment, which vapourizes anything within 4,000km of it (except for the neutoids of course, who then go on to live happy and successful lives; well, as happy and successful as microscopic coke-synthesized lazy little shits can).
[edit] How to make one yourself

You can't - so piss off.
[edit] Social Impact

Needless to say, the development of the Neutron bomb generally shitted-up the rest of the world: Governments, Dictators, and World leaders alike all ran home and cried - like little girls. NATO immediately convened an emergency meeting upon which all the nations decided that they would pretend to be horrified by the development of the Neutron bomb, but would secretly all go and either buy one, or make one themselves - and people say NATO doesn't work, HA!
[edit] Interesting facts

* It can kill a lot of things really quickly
* Three seconds before impact, all Neutron bombs secretly whisper the meaning of life
* Neutron bombs don't work in the rain
* This is all completely true

[edit] See Also

* Atomic bomb
* Coke
* Weapons of Mass Destruction

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Categories: Weapons | Weapons of Mass Destruction
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