Opium[edit this page]
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Opium smokers. Note the man on the far left with his back turned playing his new PSP.
QuinkyAdded by Quinky
Opium is an element discovered by Lord Henry Opiate in 1789 when he started eating poppy flowers while vacationing in Pakistan. He was discovered that poppy seeds contained oodles and oodles of a fascinating new substance. This substance makes the user think deliciously gooey thoughts. The substance was promptly named "Opium" after its creator.
[edit] Uses of Opium
Opium was first administered in western society to unruly children to make them shut up. This was an excellent solution for all parents who threw lavish social get-togethers in Britain. Opium had been in use in China for generations prior to this. It was first used in conjunction with Chinese Water Torture, which of course didn't work too well. Chinese men began to use the drug in order to make themselves feel extremely important and high class. It also made them feel pretty good.
The English soon discovered this property of opium and swore to never use it themselves. Instead they made even more of it and made it cheaper than before and sold it to an even wider consumer base in China. This of course was in order to placate the Chinese to the point that they didn't even notice the British had practically taken over their country. Eventually the Chinese fought against the British when they realized this in-between opium shipments and got their asses thoroughly handed to them. They proceed to imbibe more opium afterwards and forgot about the whole incident.
Nowadays, opium is found in copious amounts in Afghanistan and various brands of Chinese toothpaste. The fact that most Chinese toothpaste is 25% opium or more slid under the radar when Americans were more concerned in 2007 and 2008 about he high content of lead in the same toothpaste. Opium is also closely related to the more dangerous drug, Heroine. No one is quite sure how though, and most heroine users have no idea that it's derived from the juices of stuff smoked by the Chinese. The Afghan people are also credited with having developed some of the best opium in the world. Kabul is home to the charter opium eaters club. Opium, “the breakfast of champions”, is a favorite of the little Afghan children. It is generally served as a paste spread on small crackers served with warm goats’ milk.
Opium produces a euphoria almost as extreme as Kitten Huffing. It fucks you up real good. Some side effects include epic farts which tend to be laced with opium. These farts will make everyone in the same room high as well. It's very common for a group of people to get together and sniff the ass of the one that took the Opium.
Recent studies have shown opium is a cancer-curing compound.
[edit] Current Legal Status
An average Opium addict before he starts his day. Notice the used PSP at the bottom right
Eat teh n00bAdded by Eat teh n00b
Opium has been blamed for many things in recent years, such as terrorism, violence, and Miley Cyrus. However, it is not Opium's fault these things happen. Opium is simply abused by cruel bastards who claim to be its friends. Many of the worlds governments have decided to give the addicts safe rooms where they can inject or smoke whatever they want, have full medical assistance, and have priority over actual sick people. Scientists plan to make addicts lives simpler by investing millions of dollars into research for one-shot Opium joints.
Opium has played a major part in American politics since the election of president Rutherford B. Hayes. In order to end the political unrest, Hayes mailed out envelopes filled with opium to every United States citizen. Everyone was happy after that. Since then, numerous presidents have used opium to gain popularity. Opium addiction and dependency is the only explanation possible for the election of president George W. Bush.
[edit] Known Addicts
* Oscar Wilde
* Keanu Reeves
* George W. Bush
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Sycamore made an edit on September 23, 2010
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