United Arab Emirates[edit this page]
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دولة الامارات العربية المتحدة
United Arab (?)Emirates
New Pakistan
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: Oil Makes the Heart Grow Lazy
Anthem: "Throw the money Down the Well"
Location of the United Arab Emirates
Capital there are three: Karachi, New Delhi and Manila
Previous capital Abu Dhabi- closed down after the last Arab left the city for London
Largest city Dubai aka New New Delhi
Official languages Hindi, Urdu, Tagalog
Government Absentee, while foreigners run the country
National Hero(es) {{{national_heros}}}
Declaration
Currency Dirham (for the lucky few who get paid)
Religion Islam - 10%
Money - 90%
Area 249 000 916 inches
Major exports Camel, camel poops, ancient camel poops
Major imports Tourism, Money, Celebrity, Maybachs, Big Houses, Big Cars, Big Fat Pussies, Labory, Money Trees, Wealth, Pimps, Hoes, more and more
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to United Arab Emirates.
“Are these supposed to be United ARAB Emirates? I can't see any Arabs! And no one speak Arabic!”
~ A disappointed Orientalist after his arrival in the UAE
The United Arab Emirates is a sandy country in Arabian peninsula.
It is nominally a federation of seven emirates - Qatar, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Iraq. While two of them are totally pimped, the rest are bunch of losers; two of them are uninhabited; in fact three of them haven't been seen for some years and might have gone under in the big sandstorm of '86, remember that one?
Contents
[hide]
* 1 History
* 2 Basic Information
o 2.1 Geography
o 2.2 Climate
o 2.3 People
o 2.4 Language
* 3 Media
o 3.1 TV
o 3.2 Internet
* 4 Politics
o 4.1 Government
o 4.2 Foreign Relations
o 4.3 Army
* 5 Economy
o 5.1 New projects
* 6 Transportation
* 7 Culture
[edit] History
As a matter of fact, theres no subject called "history" in the UAE schools. Honestly theres nothing much to tell you here. But for those curious uncyclopedia nerds, I can only tell you that a billion of years ago UAE was a desert and nothing much have changed since then. However a trillion of years ago, there was a nation called the Dinosaur empire, which was so great & rich that they built the largest toilet in the world in the center of the peninsula. The empire hold population almost as large as the Earth, and over half of them pissed & pooped in this toilet. Hence there are great amount of poops buried in the deep underground, and the great scientists of the UAE are always searching for this. The greatest professor of UAE said that these poops can be turned to create fire, energy or even war, but he secretly invented the most useful way of these poops: making money. This is the short story why the UAE reserves too much oils and the richest person in the world is UAE origin.
Sooner the Dinosaur empire had encountered the great genocide caused by intergalactic terrorist attack, making whole nations changed into sand. Today the UAE is the best place to gather sands, because 99% of nature consists in the UAE is sand. 89% of buildings in the UAE area also made from sand. These are the few of many reasons why people call Arabs "sand niggers".
2000m middle finger, bitch!
DaDopeboyAdded by DaDopeboy
Currently, the people of the UAE have too much cash in the ass and are always bored so they often turn them into soup. When some are bored they come up with very brilliant ideas such as making a 2000m buildings or making islands on water in the shape of a palm tree and world islands. The island booking has attracted people across the world and is now filled with the long que of the beggars from Hollywood including David Beckham. The Emirati people also have a very great challenge to other countries, when they see that some one with a higher building than them they go like "No problem, take 3 billion and build a nice 5000m building in 2 days, get slaves from Malu land". The UAE is also notable that they give away money to the poor and building schools and hospitals all over the poor countries to show how money-free giving they really are.
The UAE is notable in the fact although it is a fantastic country to drive in, with cheap petrol and cheap cars, although it is the hardest country in the world to get a driving license. 4 million lessons must be completed and you are required to fail at least 1 million times, the only person who has managed to pass did so in 1981. Not to mention the very sweet traffic were 5000 cars are required to pass through one lane and the risk of having your car detained for at least 30 days for passing a red light.
[edit] Basic Information
Normal civilian house in Abu Dhabi.
DaDopeboyAdded by DaDopeboy
[edit] Geography
If you see dick shaped region in the west Asia, thats the UAE. However people using Google Earth often confuse it with India, because India is also in a shape of dick, and moreover you can only see exactly same people. For those awkwards, I can tell you how to distinguish the UAE and India; while UAE people have big fat dicks (usually located between the ass of a hot, hot French teenage boy), Indian people only have pencil thin inch-long dicks (aka peanuts) because they are more closer to China/Japan. So the Arabian peninsula is more like American porn-actor's dick, which have big glans and phimotic. Indian peninsula is as you suggest small, Asian dick which just getting thinner on the tip and they haven't invented perfume there yet.
This "piece of land" is barely spotted on the map, however, recent achievements like the "middle finger" Burj built by underpaid workers have transformed it into a "country" according to UAE experts. Dubai is known for its mallu's
[edit] Climate
One word, "Hell" is a description meteorologists and weather forecasters use to accurately describe UAE's climate. Climate in the UAE is comparatively HIGH. Although generally hot and dry, there are four seasons exist - super summer, brutal summer, terabyte summer, and nuclear summer. Average tempratures is 60C, but it vastly changes. The lowest temprature easily goes below -0C in the night. The highest temprature is still lower than 100C, makes this desert country a favorite location to visit during the winter time. Importantly, UAE's tourism sector has urged the public along with foreign people that UAE is the perfect place for you to "Barbecue... not your food, but yourselves" and thus "only suitable for those coal colored ones".
[edit] People
The UAE has a population of approximately two people. The one being the Glorious Über-Sultan Muh-Ahmad-the-Muhammad, the other is his servant. They are both generally laid-back and friendly, except on Wednesday, when the Über-Sultan usually declares war on Maldives. An armistice is usually signed until the next Saturday. However, foreigners fear not about that issue as it can be noted under UAE's Code of Equality (COE) that only "Maldives shall be treated with disgrace and disgust, providing that that they're getting paid."
The rest can be devided in two types, slaves and tourists. Slaves are highly anticipated workers from the third world countries with high ambitions. Most of them gather money in the UAE by working for street-sweaping, cleaning public toilets, mining, coaling, working something for oils, and working as prostitutes. Their average salary is $2. Theres a custom among them to send back 80% of their income into homelands monthly, making their living more stricted. Another one, tourists, are the second dumbest species in the UAE. Most of them think living in tall buildings or playing in sand are gorgeous. This is simply because most of their homelands are the third world countries. Some of them are also from the infidel countries, where total dumbs deserve to live in cold places. 50% of them are colored white, possibly because they eat too much porks. 40% of them are colored yellow, possibly because they eat too much oranges. The last 10% are obviously Persians, who hates the UAE the most but still they love shopping malls too much.
[edit] Language
More people = more languages. Abu Dhabi City Council warns that tourists need to master at least five languages - Hindi, Urdu, Chinese, Fillipino and 1337 - if they want to play in gay night clubs. This is because nightlife in the UAE is mainly settled by gangsters from third world countries. Because normal Muslims sleep early, city will be owned by gangs and mafias formed by labories. Since labory have origins mostly from India, China, Phillipines and YouTube, you required to learn languages of those countries. Otherwise, you might lose precious prostitutes. Or get murdered by gangsters.
Other languages you required to learn includes Australian. This is simply because Australians can understand no English nor Arabic, they will try to talk to you with native Australian language (mostly Voodoos, Mormons, Aboriginies and Strine language). If you don't want to mess with Australian road sweepers or taxi drivers who scream Strines to death, keep up in mind what I've said.
[edit] Media
[edit] TV
Needless to say, the most watched TV channel in the UAE is MTV (Muslim Television). This is due to people's habit to check the time of praying five times a day. One thing is MTV newscasters always start praying even he/she is in front of the TV cameras so that people can notice everytime. Another reason is that when theres no news to announce, MTV starts broadcasting MTV (Music Television). The most intricate point is that MTV also have branch office inside the UAE, hence you can watch MTV in UAE too. This means in the UAE, you can watch two different types of MTVs, however both of them plays almost same contents and only thing differ is that MTV plays MTV but also it let you notice the time of praying, while MTV doesn't.
[edit] Internet
Internet is blocked in the UAE. Most sites experience overwhelming amounts of DID U THINK I INSERT WORD "PORN" IN HERRE?!?!. This is due to faggot being a Mr.nice guy and a big fat aaaaaaaa!er. Sites that include Geoography, Jaws, your views and other ...nothing more, however. Typically this may result in violent something somethang with harsher something. In music stores all across the country, Shakira, Pink, Ashantee, and all other sexy woman have their chest, arms, legs and other flesh bearing areas coulored in- in perminasnt marker. All woman are covered in black dresses except for Filipino women and there's only so much wanking you can do thinking about the Filipinos. However, those "blocked" sites can only, and only be accessed by Sheiks due to abundance of unmanageable wealth used as "toilet papers" according to UAE's Ministry of Social Affairs (MSA).
[edit] Politics
The UAE is officially called The Tyrannical Absolute Monarchy of The United Arab Emirates Cruelly Oppressing The People, but in reality it is a democratic state whose citizens have extensive personal freedom. The official title is used by state authorities to scare the crap out of foreigners who are thinking of moving into this vastly overpopulated desert region.
[edit] Government
Honestly, government has not much things to do in this peaceful desert country. At least their job is rescueing orphan kittens from dirty kitten-huffers on every weekend. This, however, is not an easy job, since kitten-saver license is required to participate in this job. Taking this license is indespensable for all politicians in the UAE. Not to mention that number of politicians in UAE is four - a sovereign, a commander in chief, a bodyguard and an official prostitute (be replaced monthly). Government motto is in God's will.
[edit] Foreign Relations
The UAE's least enemies are Iran and Israel. This is because both country have produced nukes earlier than the UAE, although the UAE claimed thier right to have nuclear bomb on much earlier time. Government of the UAE takes a strong measures against both countries by economical sanctions, oil embargo, banning Jewish prostitutes etc.
In 1955 government secretly formed a five-years plan of oil embargo against Israel. The first and the sencond embargos were executed in 1976 and 2006 respectively. UAE is planning the next oil embargos in 2012, 2022, and 2142. For these sanctions, Israeli government has been begging for relaxation. As peace terms the UAE govenment claimed for granting 50 Israeli top models and 100 Jewish prostitutes. Israeli government swallowed these terms, however, since the UAE government doesn't confirm Israel top models as "model", tension between both countries is still strained.
As for Iran, UAE announced to nuke Tehran in 2045. This is the reason why Ahmadinejad is producing their own nuclear missile to death.
The UAE was once listed on George W. Bush's Axis of Evil, before he belatedly realised that the name was "emirates", a rather boring name compared to "enemies" and therefore unworthy of inclusion.
The UAE has since been basically ignored, as the Bush administration concentrates on dealing with the menace of Iran's nyucular programme by bombing its capital Baghdad back into the stone age. Wait a minute... that can't be right... was it Iran or Iraq that was building the reactors, ah who cares, too late now, thousands are already dead. Death to Iraq or Iran or whomever the heck it was... and Gosh bless Amerika.
[edit] Army
This is what the UAE Commander-in-Chief Mubarack Hussein Osama often states on radio address when he get bored:
"People often underestimate the military of the UAE. Despite what media say, the UAE has the best equipment on every segments of every factions. People are too careless that they never expect our newest FAV (Fast Attacking Vehicle) which can fuck off old-school American humvees. As a matter of course, half of US army equipments (including F-35 and M1A2 Abrams) are too out-dated for us. On the other hand, half of so-called military officials don't know that most of the UAE sands keep our underground nuclear facility stealthed. However, because the UAE people aren't same with normal Iraqis and Syrians (we have planted artificial sub-cerebrum inside our towel-heads) dumb Americans never expect our latest technology to fuck up the entire globe in seconds.
We initiate you that the latest UAE weapon GEENIE (Grue-Eating Electronical-Nuclear-Inplanted Enforcers) has twice as big as Israeli Merkava, and it is thirty times as radiational as Iranian SCUDs, and last but never least, it is one hundred and thirty two times as stealth as American B-2 bomber. Oops, sorry but it is still a top secret material for you damn-ass bitches."
[edit] Economy
The economic infrastructure of the UAE is naturally enough the sand. While demand of petroleum is still floudering because of skyrocketing price, European and American corporations have opened up a newly sand business inside the UAE in 2005. Theres no need to mention that sand is one of the most addictive cuisine in the UAE. On the other hand, sand is also useful to feed camels and donkeys, which hold 80% of transportation in the UAE. In addition, camel is also one of the UAE's burgeoning businesses. Because the 2009 camel riding boom is not likely to subside, American multinational corporations are seeking to advance the Arabic camels into American auto markets. This plan is estimated to provide huge benefits for both UAE and USA, and for both producers and customers. Needless to say that it is also eco-friendly because camel poops can be turned into soup. Coincidentally, sand is one of the best spices fitting with camel-poop soup. This business will become world-wide sooner or later. Some Arabic C.E.O. said that he builds one 1000m tower each time he get paid.
In 2009, UAE's GDP stood at US$999 trillion. The GDP per capita is currently the 1st in the world and 3rd in the Middle East, after UAE-USA collaboration and UAE-China collaboration. UAE's economy, particularly that of Dubai, was miraculously made rapid progress by the financial crisis of 2007–2010. In 2009, the country's economy grew by 400 percent. The reason of this phenomenon is expected as God's blessing, since 80% of Muslims in UAE pray six times a day, instead of normal five times. Moreover, not to mention, UAE's Internal State of Affairs (ISA) states that "UAE's economy flourishes on exports & imports of enslaved people from the Maluo islands who are bankrupt and thus taken advantage of and treated like how you treat your shoes." Fortunately, UAE's governments have drawn-up new rules to encourage such actions and will make sure these rules are adhered to, otherwise jail sentences will be applied with courts' ethical judgments accordingly.
Recently Dubai has completed the construction of the tallest Statue of Liberty in the world.
Sockpuppet of an unregistered userAdded by Sockpuppet of an unregistered user
[edit] New projects
Upcoming projects for the UAE, mostly located in Dubai.
* Over 90,000 mini-islands shaped to form islands in the shape of planet Zion.
* Dubai Land, A pile of sand that is 9,000 times bigger than Disneyland.
* World's biggest Jail الجماهيرية العربية الليبية الشعبية (What happens in Dubai, stays in Dubai Jail).
* Universal Studio, where all the great characters (Supperman, Bathman, Tårzan etc) will alive again.
* A 5000 floor McDonald's (largest in the world)
* A 3400 floor Mosque (highest in the world)
* The largest melon in the world
* A building that is so high it will never be finished.
* A house made entirely out of $1,000 dollar bills.
* The biggest hand in the world (outstreched for the credit crunch).
* The biggest National debt in the world (see hand above)
* His penis
[edit] Transportation
Express, trained to spin legs super fast which looks like real tires spinning, costs average from $200~.
DaDopeboyAdded by DaDopeboy
The UAE has been spending 0 dollars on infrastructure. This is due to the 2009 Camel Riding Boom, which was too popular among tourists, led UAE government to promote the Camel Taxi Corporation. Camel Taxi Corp. is a traditional and the biggest Arabian taxi company, opened service in AD 243. They had transported many famous people and celebrities, including Moses, Jesus Christ, T. E. Lawrence, Adolf Hitler, The Beatles and Saddam Hussein.
The US$2,000 Dubai Camel Metro project includes a 52-kilometre Al-Qamel Boulevard, which is passable only by Camels and Donkeys, was opened in September 2009 after Camel Riding Olympics. After fully completion of the Al-Qamel Boulevard, the UAE government is planning to construct the US$1,300 Camelia Highway which connects Abu Dhabi and Sharjah. The Camelia Highway when fully complete will estimated to shorten the time to take from the North UAE to the South UAE, from 148 hours to 142 hours. The advanced nano technology, implantable marijuana is in development to make additional power for camels. Furthermore, country officials have started to think of "modernizing" UAE's transportation by switching camels with brand new technological inventions or vehicles called "cars", exported from India, Bombay (Mumbai) or as famously dubbed ("The land of the Malouus").
[edit] Culture
The most pimped up culture in this sandy state is nothing but a building. Because the sandy places are too hot to walk by foot in the middle of summer (average tempratures of sand rises above 1004C), from the old times people have learned the way to live in the higher areas, such as trees. However it is only natural that trees cannot be grown in the sandy places, so people started to work for constructing skyscrapers from very early times on human history.
The first skyscraper built in the UAE is Tower of Babel in BC 643. It was an apartment house which can hold up to 900 families. It was designed by the great Jewish monk Shalon da Don, who later worked for constructing Pyramids in Giza strip.
Since then, over than 6,634 skyscrapers have been built. The highest skyscraper is 828km tall Burj-Al-Maleeq-Al-Shaheed-Bin-Laden-Al-Hussein, which also holds a record of the longest skyscraper name. It is however, expected to be lost against the newest project Burj-Al-Nuh-Qlear, the longest nuclear missile silo in the world (finish date: 2012). Here are some common activities practiced by large-bellied, fat-as* Sultans in the Respectful United Arab Emirates:
1. Visit Naif or Riqqa street: 2 $ per day with a variety of choices; ranging from illegal Philippino, Balbari, and Maluvarri underage ho**.
2. Stuff bellies all day long with Tammar, Laban, and authentic Khaleejii sh**-food like "chicken di-ya-yaah" and Indian prepared "Biryanni".
Middle East Countries
Bahrain | Cyprus | Egypt | Gaza Strip | Iraq | Iran | Israel | Jordan | Kuwait | Lebanon | Oman | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen
Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Cyprus - Georgia (the country, not the US State) - Japan-France - Mother Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Prosperous True Republic of North Korea - Central Korea - South Korea - Rogue Province of Taiwan, part of the People's Republic of China - Republic of China, Taiwan - Macau
Western Asia Afghanistan - Armenia - Azerbaijan - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - The Holy Land - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestinian Territories - Qatar - SaudiArabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia The Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - The Horde - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other -stan
South Asia Bangladesh - Bhutan - Bollywood - Kashmir - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - True Dalai Lama's Free State of Tibet
Southeast Asia Lah! - Bitch Nation - Vietcong's Hut - Uncultured state - Barbarian Islands - Asian Las Vegas - East Timor - Hmor - Laos - Myanmar - Philippines - Democratic People's Republic of Mindanao - West Timor
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