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Dynamite[edit this page]
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“dynamite solves everything”
~ that little voice in your head

“In Soviet Russia, bomb throws you!”
~ Russian Reversal on Bombs

“Boom! Boom! He He. There goes Burger King!”
~ Napoleon Dynamite on Dynamite

Dynamite, or "dynomite," pictured above, was popularized in the 1970s with this infamous slogan.
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Dynamite is a stick. A stick that goes BOOM. It was invented in 1815 by Napoleon Bonaparte, who used it during his escape from the Isle of Elba to France. A frequently used primary source for this event is a renowned watermellon historical documentary, Napoleon Dynamite, which follows dynamite's invention and how he had used it so vigorously in his execution of the Burger King, ruler of France prior to when Napoleon assumed the thrown.

Today, dynamite has a number of applications in everyday society.

* It can be used as a scented candle.
* Britney Spears invented the "Britney dynamite."
* In China and neighboring Mongolia, dynamite is used as a midget chow and breakfast cereal. "Diatomaceous earth! It snaps, crackles, and pops IN YOUR MOUTH. Gives you oral happy fun time when you need it most."
* In Nazi Germany, dynamite was once used in soup. Germans love soup. NO SOUP FOR YOU!
* It is believed that dynamite, when consumed, turns overweight people into blimps. Many police investigations were conducted on this manner but the officials decided to pull out after getting threatening letters from Macy's.

Contents
[hide]

* 1 Dynamite, The Original Story
* 2 Eating Dynamite
* 3 Things to do with Dynamite
* 4 Quotes

[edit] Dynamite, The Original Story
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Dynamite.

Dynamite was basically found to blow up the asses of Eienstein and Newton basically because they were fucking arrogant congressmen who doesn't fall for any shit. Dynamites are were used in 20000 BC to give self pleasure for Mammoths and saber tooths. Probably the main use of dynamite is with Eskimos the put the same inside their holes and blow themselves to warm up. The so called actress Pamera Andersonny has dynamited in front of a big crowd of media people which have ultimately given dynamite another name called fartamite. Fartamite is shown by many people including Kristen Stewart on the set of twilight due to which Robert flew in the air like a Vampire.
[edit] Eating Dynamite

Do it

IT GO BOOM!

1. light the fuse
2. insert into enemy's anus
3. wait
4. enjoy the fun as their body goes away in a puff of smoke and organs!
5. lick up the bloody remains! (optional)

[edit] Things to do with Dynamite

1. Stick it up someone's ass (ass hole go boom)
2. Put it in the fridge (fridge go boom)
3. Use it to separate your credit cards (credit go boom)
4. Put in a pen of someone that's taking a written exam (in exam, pen go boom)
5. Send in chain mail (inbox go boom)
6. Switch with a dog's bone (dog go boom)
7. Kill Bill (bill go boom)
8. Sell to children in an ice cream van (play ground go boom)
9. Replace Furbies (Japan go boom)
10. Stick in butter (Butter go boom)
11. Replace your own tongue with it, then kiss your lover (lover go boom!)
12. Switch with drum sticks (drummer go boom- that was a good gig)
13. Switch with model's tampon (slut go boom)
14. Put in cereal box as free toy (loser go boom)
15. Put in washing machine (washing go boom)
16. Let a Weebie beat on it (Weebie go boom)
17. Put it into a birthday cake (Birthday Boy go boom)
18. Put this into an article (Article go boom)
19. Put it into a fridge with a barrel(House go boom!)
20. Put it into Windows (bsod go boom)
21. Put it into Last Measure (goatse go boom)
22. Play hot potato with it (the loser is actually the ones who aren't holding the dynamite, as they have to live with shrapnel in their body)
23. Heat it in the oven, light it up and place it in someones hands. Then open a beer, get some popcorn and laugh like a little girl.

[edit] Quotes

"Do you need a holiday" - Heather Mills

"Fridge go Boomb" - Sir Isaac Newton

"Are use ze dynamit to blowze fridge opan! Coz i is lazy" - Sir Alan Suger

"If a woman uses dynamite as a dildo, she's gonna have an explosive orgasm." -Oscar Wilde on dynamite
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