As you may or may not know, the WCW was purchased by WWF owner Vince McMahon, which meant he owned everything the WCW created from the nWo to Robocop. But what would Vince do with the WCW? He did what any man in charge of the history of the WCW would do, he buried it. Soon the WWF had to change it's name to the WWE over a dispute they had with an animal rights group that Pandas should be allowed tax reductions on their breast implants like all the other WWF Divas, but Vince refused to budge and lost the court-case when the Pandas won the settlement and forced the WWF to change it's name to WWE (World Wobbleis Enlargements).
Vince had employed several of the WCW wrestlers he thought might have somewhat an ability to actually wrestle, so this meant none of the members of the nWo where required. But Vince still owned the nWo, but never had any intentions to use it. His mind would change a few months later when Dick Shair stole co-ownership of the WWE from Vince. Vince decided if Dick wouldn't give his company back to him, he would destroy it. Dick did not listen to reason, and Vince was on the phone right away to Hall, Nash & Hogan to bring the nWo to the WWE and attempt to destroy it by having the nWo recruit every one in the WWE until the fans became chronically confused once again to who the hell was a member of the nWo and who wasn't causing people to switch over to watch something more interesting on TV like "Denver The Last Dinosaur".
The nWo appeared on WWE Raw the next night, and Dick knew that if the nWo started recruiting people again, that ratings would drop, people wouldn't watch anymore, and the WWE would lose all of it's stock value. Rick tried to brave and not cave in, but before you know it The nWo was recruiting everyone in site, and stocks in the company where worth -44 cents. Dick Shair made a deal with Vince that if he paid the -44 cent debt Dick owed now, that Vince could have the company back. So Vince now owned the WWE again, fired the nWo and ratings went back to normal. However, just before the rest of the nWo was fired, Hogan had been challenged by one of the most electrifying men in sports entertainment to date, The Rock. While Hogan was out with the nWo cutting a promo about how Jim Ross's chair was now part of the nWo and boring fans to death, The Rock interrupted the chairs induction to challenge Hollyweed Hogan to a match at Wrestlefakia, Man to Old Man, Steroids vs Millions and the Rock means Millions of dollars to be paid to Hogan to take a dive to him for a change.
[edit] Icon Vs. Icon
Hogan faced his biggest challenge yet, because Hogan is computer illiterate. The Rock icon version 2.9 had openly challenged Hogan to a main event match at Wrestlefakia, but how was Hogan going to slam a computer icon? Hogan had no friends with computer skills, all his friends from the Rock N Wrestling days had no clue how to work a PC. Things didn't look good for the Hulkster. Come match day at Wrestlefakia, Hogan dawned his nWo gear, attached his colostomy bag and said a few prayers, but realized his steroids where going to be useless for this new age match up against the worlds most electrifying data entry wrestler known as The Rock.
Hogan entered the ring, and sat down at his laptop, while in the other corner, The Rock was already uploading his tactics to defeat Hogan. The bell rang and The Rock began feeding data to his Pentium Processor Powered PC, while Hulk fiddled with the buttons on his laptop trying to figure out how to turn the thing on. The Rock began an assault of hexadecimal coding chains that sent the crowed into a roar of excitement, Hogan tried to counter attack by praying to god to make his laptop boot up. The Rock then opened up MS Paint and drew a nasty picture of Hogan taking it up the butt from Jarred from Subway, the Hulkster was not looking good. For the first half of the match, The Rock dominated against Hogan, launching commands and making Rudee-pooh, candy-ass pictures that mocked the Hulkster.
But things started to change when Hogan found the power switch, and it looked like things where going to boot heat up. Hogan delivered the Rock the big boot up sequence that knocked the rocks computer off it's table. Hulkamania looked like it was about to load up and run wild in the background of Windows XP. The Rock began to look desperately for a way to counter hack Hogans big boot up attack, but he could not, the sound of "Welcome, Where would you like to go today?" echoed out of the speakers of Hogans laptop. Now Hogan was back in the race.
At this time, the nWo appeared with their newest members Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates, they where going to have them hook into Hogans laptop and help hack The Rocks desktop, but Hogan had a change of heart... he ordered the nWo to go back stage and stay out of this battle, this one he wanted to do fair and square.
The Rock quickly installed a nasty peoples Ibrow Trojan that he E-mailed directly into the heart of Hogans in-box. But something strange was happening, the crowed was beginning to side with Hogan, and fans yelled out commands and inputs for Hogan to try. It seemed like the power of Hulkamania was returning, Hogan soon countered the trojan by downloading an anti-virus and was back online and executing dos commands to block the Rocks attacks with a firewall that sent the crowed into a roar of thunderous cheers. Hulkamania was rising once again, and fueling the power needed to execute the 1.21 gigabytes of ram he needed to get to www.hulk-up.com. The Rock in a last desperation attempt, got up out of his seat and pulled the battery out of Hogans laptop that allowed his 3 count to be downloaded to the referees instant messenger service.
Hogan had lost the match. But the crowed where on their feet, cheering at both men for one of the most epic battles they had ever witnessed at Wrestelfakia. Hogan extended his hand to The Rock, and held his arm up to declare who was the better man. As Hogan was about to leave the ring, The Rock called him back, and to show great sportsmanship, he deleted the nasty photos he had made of Hogan from his hard-drive. Hogan and the Rock then in traditional Hulkamania fashion, flexed and posed together for the crowed for 9 weeks.
The next time Hogan was seen on Raw, he was out there to admit The Rock was the better man, and The Rock came out to give Hogan a thank you cuddle and offer him a night of spooning. But then the other members of the nWo appeared saying they where Hogans spoon buddies, not the Rock. The Rock then asked the Hulkster, who would he rather spoon with? The nWo or the people? Hogan could feel the power of Hulkamnia in the air, and all the little Hulkamaniacs who wanted him to return to the Red and Yellow panties and spoon with them. Hogan made the desicion, that Hulkamania was back, alive and well. The nWo where sent back to the fudge packing factory.
[edit] Retire Already Damn It
Hulkamania ran wild once again... for a week. Fans where reminded that Hogan's matches where usually a snore-fest, and the first rule the WWE set on Hogan was wear some pants cause his saggy wrinkly old balls where dangling out of his yellow knickers. So Hogan changed his look to a tie died pair of leotard slacks and whore a boa around his neck, now that he had gotten over his jealousy of Arnold Schwarzenegger and was now trying to out-do Jesse Ventura. Hogan even threatened to run for president of the USA by wearing Rey Mysterio Jr's clothing and calling himself the Patriot. But the campaign was declared a bust when the people cast their votes that they didn't want Hogan running their country into the ground like he did the WCW, they where happy with the idiot they currently had running the country into the ground.
Hogan decided he may as well challenge the Undertaker to a 10 year old too-late rematch. Hogan lost the match against the Undertaker, and proved he couldn't take a bump anymore. The Taker choke slammed him and Hogan fell to the ground in one of the worst looking botched moves since Kevin Costner made Waterworld. Hogan reminded everyone that he could bore audiences to death with the same old matches he always had, fans where screaming for Hogan to retire already. But Hogan then set his eyes on Triple-H. Hogan informed Triple-H that there was only one man that should never put anyone else over in this business, and always paid off his opponents to take a dive to him. But Triple-H refused to stand down and be the #2 man to do such things. "H" told Hogan he was the new wave of the man who pays guys to take a dive to him, and that he would see Hogan in the ring. This kinda scared the shit out of Hogan, as "H" was the new generation of steroid enhanced muscle men, and he was not going to accept a bribe to take a dive. Hogans ego would not let him back out of the challenge tho, so Hogan ended up getting his ass handed to him by "H" and the fans thought finally, maybe Hogan would fuck off and retire now.
Hogan decided maybe it was time to retire, as Triple-H was not going to let Hulkamania run wild over him for a bribe of 20 bucks and a blow-job. So Hogan made the decision, it was time to hang up the yellow and red panties, and finally go off and make Suburban Commando II.
[edit] Hulkamania Lives Forever
In 2003 Hogan returned to the WWE to be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Shame. Hogan had also received a wide boost in popularity when his botched choke-slam the Undertaker gave him won the 1st place yearly prize on Americas Funniest Home Videos. The fans welcomed Hogan to the ceremony and wanted to see Hogan botch a move one more time, the crowed kept chanting, "One More Botch, Once More Botch" And Hogan said in his induction, "Never say never". Meaning Hogan may give the fans what they want, and botch up selling a move one more time for Hulkamania.
[edit] The end of a legend
Believe in Hulkamania, Brotha
Maniac1075Added by Maniac1075
In 2004 The Fartstink Kid, Shawn Micheals, aka: HBGay needed an opponent to take on the tag-team of a couple of foreigners, and with HBGay given the opportunity to select anyone he wanted to be his partner, he selected Hogan for some reason. He could have picked anyone, like Doink The Clown or The Gobbledegooker but no, he wanted Hogan. Why? We may never know, but Hogan accepted the offer and HBGay and Hogan teamed up to kick the shit out of the non-American team in traditional WWE racist stereotype fashion. Then as Hogan and HBgay where celebrating, HBGay got sick and tired of Hogan flexing and posing his steroid built muscles for the crowed, that he delivered the sweet chin music (super kick) to Hogans wrinkly old testicles.
The following night on RAW HBGay said that he just wanted to know what it was like to stop Hogan from taking so damn long to pose after a victory. And it felt good to just kick Hulkamania in the balls for all the bored to death Hulkamaniacs out there having to see a 500 year old man flex for hours on end. Hogan then stated a challenge to HBGay that he was not old, and that Hulkamaniacs loved to be bored to death by his victory poses... HBGay accepted the challenge and Hogan would take on HBGay for the first, and last time.
Hogan handed HBGay 20 bucks before the match, and said "take a dive kid, or I will make Suburban Commando II". With a threat like that, Shawn accepted the bribe and was happy to take a dive to Hogan. Hogan was victorious in what should have been his last match ever.
[edit] Wait, No It's Not
One of Hogans biggest challenges, taking on the entire city of New York
OG locAdded by OG loc
Hogan hadn't given the fans what they wanted to see, he had left the WWE and claimed he had retired, but the chants grew louder from fans to see Hogan botch up one more time. So soon enough, another challenger in the WWE started calling himself the "legend killer", a faggot by the name of Randy Orton. He would go out and beat up old guys like Mae Young and Tom Sellick, so this lead to him wanting to beat up the oldest known geriatric known to man in the wrestling world, Hulk Hogan. Hogan accepted the challenge, but backstage, things where a bit difficult. Randy was just a spoiled little shit, so Hogans bribe of 20 bucks to take a dive was not going to cut it. Orton demanded Hogan give him 25 bucks, and a buy him a pony if Hogan wanted him to take a dive. Hogan told Orton that kind of bribe was just ridicules and refused to pay it. Hogan told Orton he had no respect for his elders, and how back in his days kids would take a dive to him for a nickle, but Randy was too pig headed and would not give in to his demands. Hogan even threatened he would go and make another movie, but Randy arrogantly said he couldn't possibly make a worse movie then The Marine.
Hogan had never faced a challenge like this before, Orton was not going to budge on his deal, and Hogan was left with the proposition to pay the ransom money, or lose the match. Hogan decided, fuck it, he will try and kick Randy Ortons ass without bribing him to take a dive. So Hogan went back to his roots, and medicated himself up on super steroids, and told Orton to meet him in the ring at BummerSlam.
The day of reckoning came, and Hogan and Orton squared off. Orton showed his cockiness by giving Hogan a wedgie that left a mark for weeks, but Hogan fought back old school style and gave Orton one of the nastiest Chinese burns in known history. Orton began to shed tears from the pain, and went crying to his daddy to tell on Hogan for being a big meanie to him, but Hogan was the bigger man, and when faced by Ortons father, Hogan simply just picked him up and slammed him, then let go a dusty old fart that elevated him enough to land an atomic leg drop, that now looked like an atomic dust pile, sure Hogan didn't have enough power left in his ass to elevate himself like he used to, but it was enough to keep Papa Orton down and out. Hogan then focused his attention back on Orton who was trying to text his friends to come back him up, but Hogan summoned the powers of Hulkamania and grabbed the phone from Orton, slammed it the mat and gave it a leg drop. Hulkamania was running wild again, and the fans where cheering for him to botch up taking the RKO, so Hogan let him give him one, and Hogan successfully botched it old Hulk Hogan fashion by taking the move and not selling it, Hogan got right back up and Hulked up on Orton and slammed him, then slammed his dad ontop of him, then slammed the referee on him, then slammed a table and a chair and just about everything else the nWo once laid claim to, then Hogan took a deep breath, cupped his ear to the crowed, and ran into the rope and back to deliver one of the biggest farts Hulkamania had ever produced, Hogan blasted 100 feet into the air then shit his pants, and fell back to the ring with his leg held out and aimed it onto the pile of laying bodies and objects in the ring... unfortunately, Hogan missed his target by 30 feet, but still managed to get back up and pin Orton for the 3 count.
It was the final botch in Hulkamania history seen in the WWE. Fans rejoiced and applauded that Hogan was now finally going to stop wrestling and not make a movie ever again.
[edit] Hulkamania Is Finally Over
Hogan retired from the WWE, and the world became a much better place. Flowers bloomed, and birds sung, clouds turned white and peace reigned all over the world. Osama Bin Laden joined Greenpeace, George W. Bush grew a brain, Bill Clinton had sex with his own wife, and the universe was ready to live happily ever after. - The End :)
[edit] Oh shit, He's Not? You're Kidding Me?
The world was shocked to hear the news that Hulk Hogan was not done with Wrestling yet! Just a few short years after he had retired, he announced he announced he was going to wrestle again. This caused stock markets in wrestling to crash, toilet paper dropped by 15%, counseling groups where set up by lesbian dictators, the president retired and 90210 started advertising Dr. Pepper in every scene of their show and Australia declared war on Utah... but the tragic events died down and people breathed a sigh of relief when they heard who Hogan was going to wrestle for... like anyone would tune into that fucking wrestling company's show.
[edit] TNA
The Epic battle of 2014 in a croc vs crock matchup
Maniac1075Added by Maniac1075
Brook Hogans TNA debut in 2013, You know you wanna run wild on it
Maniac1075Added by Maniac1075
Hogan announced in a press conference that due to not being able to get financial backing to make Suburban Commando II, he needed a job now that his ex-wife's boobs had exploded from too many steroid injections & she used all the money for replacement titties. Hogan had asked his old bum chum Eric Pissoff to help him take over TNA wrestling. Hogan and Pissoff bought the company and then announced on TNA IMPACT that they where going to run wild on it, like they did in the WCW... meaning they would be able to take over a semi successful company and run it into the ground, then collect the insurance money to fund Hogans movie plans. Hogan was visited on the show by his old nWo buddies, who for some reason wanted to join with Hogan like nothing had ever happened, but Hogan informed them that everyone in the business has to botch things up for themselves, and that Hogan was now the king of botching things up, and he didn't need anyone elses help to drive the company into the ground. Hogan then fired all the TNA talent and brought back his old buddies like the Nasty Boys and Hacksaw Jim Duggen to help elevate the fastest sinking ship in wrestling history. Hogan is even contributing to the fall of TNA himself by wrestling again and boring fans to death with his botched moves & pay-out's to younger guys for taking dives to him. Once Hogan had achieved running the company out of business, it's Suburban Commando II or bust.
[edit] It's FINALLY Over
Hogan cleaning toilets since he left the WWE and attempted to make TNA the WWE competition
Maniac1075Added by Maniac1075
TNA went out of business in September of 2014, Hogan finally had achieved what he set out to do, TNA was buried and left with memorable moments like when Hogan teamed up with Chuck Norris to take on Ric Flair and Dusty Rhoads in a "which of these old farts will manage to be able to get into the ring first without dying or breaking a hip" match... which Hogan paid off the others to let him win in a total time of four hours and 23 minutes. And no one will ever forget when Sting let Hogan play bass for the first time in the Police reunion one night only special paper view event.
[edit] Sigh, No It Ain't
In December of 2013, it was revealed that Vince McMahon had purchased TNA in a corporate takeover just to rub it in Hogans face that he now owned TNA and Hogan would receive no payout to fund his movie he had been trying to make for 25 years. And to rub it further in Hogans face, Vince told Hogan he owned the rights to the names Hulk Hogan, Hulkamania and Hulkamaniacs, and that all the time he had spent in TNA saying those words, where in direct violation of copyright infringement. So now Hogan had the choice to either pay his debt of $13.50 for the copyright infringements, face jail time or work for him once again helping move The Big Shows drunken ass around like he originally did for Andre back when he started. Hogan could not face the idea of having no money to pay off prisoners to take a dive and let them be HIS bitch, and Hogans ex-wife had spent all his money buying new tits for herself, so Hogan had no choice but to be the Big Shows pick up boy.
[edit] Is He Done Now?
Let's just say our prayers, eat our vitamins and hope Hulk never pisses off The Big Show enough for him to challenge him at a future Wrestlefakia, and we can also cross our fingers and hope when Hogan injects steroids into the eye of his dick he explodes like Mr. Wonderfuckingfull did 20 years ago. But only time will tell if Hulkamania will ever raise it's head again and come back to bore the living shit out of wrestling fans across the world. Just keep the faith, Brotha, just keep the faith.
[edit] Hulks Music Career
He made the music that made people rape common house plants
TerrybrassAdded by Terrybrass
“You shut the fuck up, Beach Patrol is a KICK ASS song, BROTHA!"”
~ Hogan on Criticism about his album
Maniac1075Added by Maniac1075
When Hogan wasnt bribing younger DUDES to take a dive to him, he was found sometimes using some of the money he once had to record music. No one has the testicular fortitude to tell Hogan to his face that the reason his recordings do not sell is because... well, to put it in the words of the famous critics Siskel Butthead & Ebert Beavis... "Euhhh, huh huh, this like, sucks ass n stuff, yeah hehe.. you said ass". Hogan recorded his first song in 1845 with his drinking buddy steroid supplier, Jimmy "Fart In My Mouth & I will Go South On You" Hart, Hulk abused a bass guitar while Jimmy blasted out regurgitating sounds on his megaphone in a song tune noise they called "I'm Gonna Slam You If You Don't Buy This Song, Brotha". The song was was a mediocre hit in Russia, it debut at #5069 but was knocked out of it's position by Abbas "Mamamia" which is why Hogan hates all foreigners to this day. In 1993 Hogan put together a band called the "Wrestling Big Boot Band" and made one of the most unintentional hilarious albums of all time, simply titled, "Hulk Hogan and the wrestling big boot band" The album charted even worse then his previous single. The album featured the #1 smash hit in Hogans mind, "Beach Patrol" which Hogan says is the greatest song ever written, and if you disagree with him, and your not American, he will slam you back to your home country, Brotha. The album also featured "Bad To The Bone" which shows without a doubt that Hogan is not the brightest tool in the shed as the song sounds nothing like the original, but Hogan defended it in an interview saying, "shut the fuck up, DUDE". The third single from the smashed to pieces album was "I wanna be a nymphomaniac and have fun with my dead family and friends" which was a decent tune, but a bit before it's time. The fourth and last single was "Hulksters In The House Cause He Just Slammed Another Hulkamaniac and He Will Kick His Ass Again In Heaven and Slam Him Through the Clouds And Make Him Come Crashing Down So Hard That It Hurts His Pride Inside, Dude, Brotha, Nigga" which was just a rip off of Metallica's "Ride The Lightning". After the albums release and fail to make any money back for WCW records, a law was stated that Hulk Hogan may never ever record another song ever again in the United States. Thats when Hogan headed to Japan and recorded his only hit song, "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday" which was a super smash hit on the Tokyo bill board because anything that sounds as crap as that has to be a smash hit in Japan. Hogan now hates all the Japanese people now because the song was knocked off the charts by an even worse song, if you can believe it BROTHA called "Crazy Frog Sings: Hulksters In The House Cause He Just Slammed Another Hulkamaniac and He Will Kick His Ass Again In Heaven and Slam Him Through the Clouds And Make Him Come Crashing Down So Hard That It Hurts His Pride Inside, Dude, Brotha, Nigga - DJ Tanner Club Remix".
[edit] Picture Gallery
[Hulk hogan dad.jpg (25 KB)]
Hulksters father, Adolph Hogan
[87573-6.jpg (62 KB)]
Lick it up, Nigga.
[Hoganspeedos.jpg (31 KB)]
Why Hogan was forced to wear spandex tights in the end.
[Hulk kiss.jpeg (18 KB)]
Don't Ask, Brotha!
[Hogan V flair.jpg (41 KB)]
Hogan doesn't say no to crack, DUDE.
[Hoganliftoff.jpg (187 KB)]
The Atomic Leg Drop, one of the most elevating moves in sports entertainment history.
[Hogans Car.jpg (49 KB)]
What's left of Hogans car after he slammed it into a tree.
[Hulkbrooke.jpg (24 KB)]
Hulkamanias' hands run wild on his own daughter's ass.
Add a photo to this galleryAdd a photo to this gallery
[edit] See Also
Related Articles
File:Warrior-hogan2.gif
* WWE
* WCW
* TNA
* Wrestling
* Acting
* Fart
* Eric Bischoff
* Fake
* Incredible Hulk
* Hollywood
* Jesus
* Muhammad Ali
* Grandpa
* Vince McMahon
* Immortal
* Jedi
* Steroids
* Billy Mays
* Christopher Lloyd
* The Rock
* Andre The Giant
* Bob Saget
* Your Mom
* Rocky
* Pussy
* Old
* Venice
* Crocodile Dundee
External Links
File:Hoganlegdrop.gif
*
1. ↑ Booker T's Gonna Get That Hogan Nigga
* Hogans Funniest Home Video "Botched Choke-slam" Winning Entry
* Hogans presidential election speech
* Hogans #1 Hit song in Japan
* Hogan shows how real wrestling can be
* Hogan Runs Wild On Larry King
* Hogan Vs Your Mom
Your UnComprehensive Guide to the World of Professional Wrestling[hide]
The heroes, villains, and other jabronis of Pro Wrasslin', from Vince McMahon's Fucked Up Wrasslin' Vol 1 to WWE Smackup: Roid Rage as compliled by the world's biggest mark!
WWF Hulk Hogan - "Macho Man" Randy Savage - The Ultimate Warrior - The Undertaker - Roddy Piper - Andre the Giant - Jake "The Snake" Roberts
The Honky Tonk Man - Bam Bam Bigelow - Big Boss Man- Yokozuna - Demolition - The Killer Bees
Bret "the Hitman" Hart - Shawn Michaels - Steve Austin - The Rock - Triple H - Batista - The Great Kelly - Mick Foley - Kane - Chris Jericho - █████ - Kurt Angle - Ken Shamrock - Wayne Brady - The Hardy Boys - Edge & Christian
WCW David Arquette - Dennis Rodman - Vinnie Vegas - Lex Luger - Private Stash - G.I. Bro - Big Poppa Pump - Shockmaster - The Fake Sting - Four Norsemen - n.W.o
Ring of Honor Jack Bauer - A.J. Styles - Mudkips - Koko B. Ware - Sharkboy
Legends Larry the Cable Guy - Albert Einstein - The Quantum Caper - Carrie Fisher - Oprah Winfrey - Darth Vader - Maggie Thatcher - Adolf Hitler - Robert Bork - Tiny Tim - Crazy Larry - Secret Asian Man - Kinnikuman - The Boogeyman - His Holiness, the Dalai Lama - Axis of Power
Female wrestlers Chyna - Cameron Diaz - Kelly - Christy Hemme - Stacy Keibler - Trish Stratus - Traci Brooks - Nipple H - WWE Divas
Others Eric Bischoff - Vince Russo - Ed McMahon - Dave Meltzer - Bobby Heenan - Gorilla Monsoon - Cardinal Jesse Ventura - Paul Bearer
Promotions Kapoutland Pro Wrestling - NWA: Total Nonstop Action - World Wide Championship Extreme Wrestling Entertainment Federation
Events The Great American Ho-down - No Way Out - Unwhoregiven
Misc. 12 Angry Men - Professional wrestling slang - Steroid abuse - Beating your wife - Wrestlecrap.com
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Hulk_Hogan"
Categories: Professional wrestling | Athletes | Actors Who Unbefuckinglieveably Suck So Much Balls It's Hard To Imagine What Money Grabbing Cocksucker Gave Them An Acting Role | Tedious pop culture references | Superheroes | De facto rulers of the world | Articles about a person written in the style of that person | Fighters
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