Vince McMahon[edit this page]
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“YOU'RE FIIIIIRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!”
~ Vince McMahon on you
“YOU'RE FIIIIIRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!”
~ Vince McMahon on this article
“You're Fired!”
~ Donald Trump on Vince McMahon
“I wish he could have found a better way to release me from my contract”
~ Owen Hart on Vince McMahon
“The biggest ASS SUCKING BITCH ever.”
~ Tourettes Guy on Vince Mcmahon
THIS ARTICLE NEEDS A STEAMROLLER!!!
Sometimes the foundations are so rotten and bad that the only good and constructive action is demolishing everything and starting from scratch. In other words, rewrite this article. It's in such a bad state that you may ignore all of its current contents if you like.
But be a bitch! DO IT!!!
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Vince McMahon.
Vince McMahon fan site
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Vince McMahon's O-Face showing how much Joints he can fit into his mouth.
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Vince McMa-HAN, born Vincent Kennedy McMahon, he would grow up to be the future 45th president of the United States in 2012. Vince first saw photos of many giant muscular man covered in slime and grease manufactured from polish sausages, trademarked by Nestle. Many believe it is viewed that early experiences like this lead to the massive chubby any time he saw someone over 6'5 ft tall. The young Vince began to promote fights on the playground between pizza face and Lars, Lars won the majority of the time in these matches because Pizza face's head made a good target being bright red. soon making the very first version of the WWE (that time TNA) championship out of construction paper. After a year had gone by the young Vince McMahon felt the kids were too small and then told the kids about this new substance he discovered called "Steroids." For some odd reason, not one of those kids ever made it past the age of 40. Vince tended to develop a love for cocks and turned that love into Professional Wrestling as it is known today. Vince eventually took his freak show to TV and produced such shows as WWE Smackup: Roid Rage as a brand of Sports Entertainment that only rednecks are interested in watching and believe are real as well.
"No! YOU SAID YOU'D LEAVE THE SIDEBURNS!"
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"It is a well known fact that rednecks are many in the USA, and totally believe that WWE Wrestling is 100% real, with no acting, no fake punches, no scripts, no story lines, get injured for real, are not gay, and are willing to pay lots of money to watch retarded men with big muscles beat each other up after talking smack talk with each other and promoting products like Stacker2, HeadOn, Slim Jim Beef Jerky, Hooters, Subway, Burger King either by mentioning them in the smacktalk, or having one of the announcers announce it during the match". This quote was said by a man named jozzers dibbleo, a Yankee. You see even though the WWE was a primarily northern Corps Yankees still believe that they are superior to everyone in the nation. In this case jozzers just missed his nap. .The more insane the show, the more money Vince McMahon makes, the more wrestlers die of drug overdoses, cancer, steroid abuse, or GAIDS the more money Vince McMahon makes. Vince became the main villain in most of his shows, because most of the other wrestlers aren't heel enough to sell that kind of pop to the crowd and get the desired amount of heat needed to put those red neck butts in those stadium seats.
Vince McMahon has confirmed that he was best friends with Hitler. He said in an Interview that his dad Used To Rape him and he liked it. He Said that He Has Actually never done Linda McMahon and that Shane and Steph are form mars and one day he brought them home from a business trip. It is also reported that he is good friends with the guy who invented LoL. There is talk of a life partner ship or at least a gay marriage. Vince is a lifetime member in the Billionaire Jackass Ass-hole society with his good friend Donald Trump who is also a lifetime member, and Vince lost a bet to Donald and had to get his head and ass shaved bald.
Contents
[hide]
* 1 WWE WWF
* 2 The Beginning of Mcmahonism
o 2.1 Anti-Mcmahonism
* 3 Vince Wrestles with God
* 4 Vince Comes back to Raw, humiliates Chris Jericho and gets his head almost kicked off by Randy Orton
* 5 See Also
[edit] WWE WWF
Vince McMahon Killed bitch ass OWEN HART for a reason! Hes gay! Also go to his grave and piss on it!
“There is no proof that Vince McMahon used steroids. Go fuck yourself.”
~ WWE on Vince McMahon's steroid use
“NO UUUUUUU!!!!!.”
~ Noob on WWE's comment on Vince McMahon's steroid use
[edit] The Beginning of Mcmahonism
Shane McMahon trying and failing to stop Shawn Michaels kissing Vince's wrinkly saggy ass!
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After 9/11 Vince decided to form his own religion, he called it McMahonism. People get converted to McMahonism by kissing Vince's ass on live television. Vince McMahon, a well known Atheist decided that there was money to be made in forming his own religion after seeing the success of L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology and decided to do the same for him. Vince McMahon became leader of his own religion, McMahonism and told everyone to kiss his ass. For his employees who refused, he yelled at them "Don't cross the boss!" and one of them, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels got knocked out by Vince's son Shane McMahon and was made to kiss Vince's ass and they forced his conversion from Christianity to McMahonism. HBK repented after that, by teaming up with Triple H for reform DX (D-Generation X, a NWO rip-off) to dump holy shit on Vince, his son, and some gay male cheerleaders that had allied up with Vince McMahon.
William Regal converting to McMahonism by kissing Vince's ass. Soon after that William was promoted to General Manager of the WWE Raw show
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In June 2007, Vince McMahon was blown up in a limo explosion. After the Horrific events, Mcmahon was resurrected from the dead coming down from the sky on an episode of RAW, Proclaiming himself as god. WWE has reported that sometime in the first week of July, in an attempt to prove he's really god, Vince Mcmahon will bring back every dead wrestler in the last 20 years and have them all fight in a battle royal with the winner getting to come back to life. The Losers however must die again and this time stay dead forever. █████ █████ would be used after the match as Vince's new ally against the winner, thus leading up to a Dead Man's match at that year's WrestleMania.
Around November 2007 it was revealed that Vince McMahon had a bastard child, which confused people as most of Vince's children are known bastards, but this one was an unknown bastard child who had a mother who was suing Vince McMahon for eleventy billion dollars in child support. It was later learned that the bastard son was a leprechaun named Hornswoggle who already was a WWE Wrestler. This went on for months, and Vince taught his bastard son "tough love" by beating the shit out of him for every episode or putting him in matches against giant beasts like Umanga, The Great Kali, Big Daddy V, or Michael Moore. Anyway it was learned later by John "Bradshaw" Leyfield, who came out of retirement and beat the shit out of Hornswoggle for one more time, that Hornswoggle was Fitz Finley's son and not Vince McMahon's son. It was all one big story to get the public to forget that Vince faked his own exploding limo death, and write a new soap opera chapter for the WWE, and JBL called for an end of that chapter as ratings weren't doing so well that he had to come out or retirement and stop announcing Smackdown to go to Raw and save the show, and also challenge Y2J to a match because his shtick was getting old and bringing down the show, in exchange for a championship match to be determined later. JBL brought that Neocon Heel aspect back to the Raw brand that it so desperately needed. It seemed Triple H turned Face, and Vince beating up his own son actually made him look less like a Neocon Heel and more like a Redneck Heel instead and it was bringing down the ratings in the south. So JBL kind of tried to balance things out. But anyway it worked and the public seemed to have forgotten about the whole exploding limo fake death storyline, and started to hate JBL more than Vince as they cheered for Y2K to beat him. Later John Cena and Triple H beat on JBL as Y2J proved to be a flake and kept messing up his lines as well as didn't take a few chinshots from HBK correctly over the Ric Flair retiring at a match at Wrestlemania with HBK. So they shifted HBK over to Smackdown to feud with Batista and gave Y2J back his Highlight Reel in hopes that he could draw up more heat from the crowd when HBK fakes a knee injury in a match with Batista and Y2J gives him an award for best actor in the WWE over it. By this time it is May 2008, and William Regal used his General Manager powers to get into a King of the Ring match against Hornswoggle, and the later beat an injured Finley by The Great Kali acting out on orders from Regal to injure Finley's knee so Regal can win King of the Ring. Which made William Regal the most powerful man in the WWE (with exception of Vince McMahon) as WWE's King and General Manager of Raw at the same time. So Regal just turns off the lights in the middle of popular wrestling matches and claims the public doesn't respect him, so he is taking away their right to see the match. Vince agreed to this as it makes Regal the new Neocon Heel of Raw, and people can forget more about the things that Vince had done and now hate Regal instead of him.
But Regal overdosed on his throne as King of the Ring and Raw's General Manager. So Vince went crazy and started to give away one million dollars each Monday night on Raw. It made Vince very popular until the third week when he faked a skylight falling down on the set, crashing his platform and causing a sign with a million dollar bill with his face on it to come crashing down on him. He did that as an excuse to stop giving away one million dollars each week, and also to make people feel sorry for him that he is a 198 year old man with shrunken testicles due to his rampant steroid abuse that also caused brain damage as well as insanity.
Some claim that the accident that happened to Vince McMahon was really a sign that The Undertaker was returning to WWE after Vickie Guerrero and Edge got Undertaker banished from the WWE in a match that Vickie made called "Edge wins the WWE heavyweight Campionship after everyone jumps on The Undertaker using Tables Ladders and Chairs" match in which if the Undertaker lost he would be banished from the entire WWE including ECW and Ohio Valley Wrestling. So the Undertaker lost that match since over seven people beat him up so badly that Edge was able to climb the ladder and grab the WWE Heavyweight belt and win. That since Vince McMahon approved of such tactics he became the first victim of the Undertaker returning to the WWE, and the next victim was Edge on Raw who ran his mouth that Raw didn't have the WWE Heavyweight championship and how much better he was than anyone else on Raw, and after that Batista came out and beat him up and then CM Punk cashed in the "Money in the Bank" briefcase to get an instant championship match with Edge even if Edge was unconscious, and won the WWE heavyweight championship belt that way. The next victim was Vickie Guerrero when Edge got upset at her on Smackdown after she called him stupid for going on Raw and losing his championship and they both got into a yelling match over who was the bigger idiot, in which Edge got the last words in that "The Wedding is off!" and Vickie had a hissy fit over it and cried and yelled. Then again others claim it was just bad acting and really poorly written scripts.
Vince McMahon right after the Montreal Blowjob
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This lead to Kane getting upset and beating up random people on the Raw set asking them "Is he alive or dead!" referring to either Vince McMahon, or Elvis Presley, we're not such which. Anyway Edge and Vickie made up and got married, and then Triple H showed a video of Edge making out with the wedding planner after Vickie and Edge got married. Prompting Vickie to throw another hissy fit and bring back The Undertaker to have a Hell in the Cell match with Edge at Summerslam. With this the WWE hoped that people would forget that Vince McMahon faked his death again, as random infighting at Raw caused Shane and Stephenie McMahon to ask everyone to cooperate or there'll be hell to pay when they get back. Also that they wanted Vince McMahon's medical condition to be private.
[edit] Anti-Mcmahonism
Vince briefly had problem with the anti-McMahonism group known as VKM (Voodoo Kin Mafia). VKM was started by two TNATHEISTS, whom Vince had fired when, as their PR department, they "refused to light a burning cross on live television" (though many backstage insiders said it was because Road Dog refused to have a threesome with Gunn and Pat Patterson. Years later, Patterson got his wish, although with Gunn and ex-Dubya See Dubya wrestler Chuck. Gunn retained his job until he refused to move to Vermont so that he and Pat Patterson could legal get married.
Vince started McManhonism and got people to kiss his ass, and it upset the people who used to work for him, and they formed VKM shortly after Vince proclaimed himself god. . They made demands on Vince McMahon, by standing outside of the WWE's headquarters shouting "Vince McMahon, come out with your pants up!" as he was yet getting William Regal to convert to McMahonism to become the General Manager of the WWE Raw show. Vince didn't give into VKM's demands, so they made fun of him more on the Total Nonstop Angle show.
Vince's stint with McManhonism ended with intervention on behalf of Stone Cold Steve Austin & the Justice League. Austin's Stone Cold Stunner ended the evil reign of the devil and was later taken to Arkham Asylum where he would no longer be a threat to the rest of the WWE, his family, the fans, & the world. During his time locked up as a nut, he was attack by The Joker after he received a pie laced with arsenic, leading him to the infirmery after being poisoned. he fully recovered & got his revenge by giving the Clown Prince of Crime an Enema full of chroline bleach straight up his pasty white ass.
[edit] Vince Wrestles with God
To try and make it up to people for being a heel and a bad boss, Vince McMahon gave away a million dollars each episode of RAW. An idea that he borrowed from Donald Trump who once made it rain money on a Raw show to show Vince how to give people what they wanted. Vince tried to play a face and give away a lot of money, but a few weeks into the event an accident happened. There was a lightning bolt and God got his revenge on Vince for being such an asshole in the past and faking his death via an exploding limo and all of the other bad stuff he did. The McMahon family kept Vince's status a secret. Nobody knows if he is alive or dead or in a coma or just healing up his injuries. Vince tried to take on God, and God does not like the competition and put an end to McMahonism once and for all. Vince finally got what he wished for, some much needed attention, but only because he got injured and now spends quality time with his close family. In the wrestling business God once wrestled with Jacob and told him to "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!" and taught Jacob a valuable lesson. God did the same thing to Job, and now Vince is the modern day Job and God wants to see if Vince learned his valuable lesson and if he does, God will give him a blessing for his suffering and make everything new again. You see all of Vince's bad karma came back to get him, and he ultimately paid for it. He learned you cannot just simply buy your way out of a problem, you have to wrestle with God at a pay per view to get the opportunity to get what you want. God like Vince likes to cheat, and also does not like people to cross him.
McMahon feud ended with God after he was struck by lighting during an episode on RAW while he was preparing to leave the arena. Vince's chared corpse was discovered later on in his Limo at the airport, ending his life. He wasn't really dead from the lighting. He was sent back in time by getting beat up by Al Capone & Adolf Hitler after they stole technoligy from the future and used it against the devil himself for his own good. He later returned back to his own time a changed man.
[edit] Vince Comes back to Raw, humiliates Chris Jericho and gets his head almost kicked off by Randy Orton
After recovering from yet another fake injury, Vince McMahon came back to Raw on January 19th, 2008 on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday to totally humiliate Chris Jericho and make him apologize to his daughter Stephanie and the audience and make him Steph's bitch. Then Randy Orton came out and asked Vince to make Steph apologize to him for slapping him for no reason at the beginning of the show. Vince told Steph to go away and started to try and humiliate Orton telling him that his father Cowboy Bob Orton Jr. was a mediocre wrestler he turned into a star, and if he didn't do that Randy Orton would just be another boring Gym Teacher in St. Louis Missouri and to apologize to him for calling his daughter a worthless whore. Randy shook his head and said no. Vince said "apologize or else" Randy shook his head, Vince said "apologize or I will terminate you on the spot." Randy said "You don't want to do that, sir!" then Vince's face got all red and he yelled "You're fucked!" and Randy bitch slapped him and down went Vince. Then Randy kicked Vince over and then ran back and ran and punted his head almost off his body. Then Vince, with the help of Randy Orton, faked yet another near death injury. Stephenie cried like a little bitch "Daddy, daddy, wake up!" but Randy Orton just smiled and then frowned and left the ring with his new group "The Legacy" that they claim was bigger than NWO, Evolution, DX, and Voodoo Kin Mafia, and the Main Event Mafia, and the new faction: Jesus and the 12 Disciples.
[edit] See Also
* WWE
* WWE Smackup: Roid Rage
* Steroids
* TNA
* Hulk Hogan
* Kurt Angle
* Triple H
* Nipple H
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