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PutarBelit #46 - "Anwar was drugged!" (and therefore is not responsible for his actions...Kita patut simpati dengan dia, sebab dia jadi mangsa. Ini juga peluang untuk makan balik/demonise Datuk Eskay): "I had asked Eskay to bring me a few bottles of Anchor Bee...Eh, silap - ROOT beer. After drinking - semua habis sebab sangat dahaga... I puasa sunat hari tu (ini nak kelentong orang-orang PAS). Lepas tu jadi pening...macam hilang ingatan gitu. Masa sedar, terkezut tengok pompuan Cina kat sebelah atas katil...telanjang! Masyallah; malaikat tak datang dekat!(ini sekali lagi kelentong orang-orang PAS)Mata I kabur-kabur; ternampak `ada benda lembik, layu'... Laa, rupa-rupanya I pun telanjang jugak!" "I went to a clinic: the urine and blood tests showed traces of heroin, morphine, cocaine, LSD, marijuana, ecstacy and pil kuda! Doktor kata nafsu pun jadi macam kuda. Jahat betul Eskay ni! Ini mesti pernah masuk Sekolah Henry Gurney." Anwar must be prepared for the predictable question by reporters on why he is only mentioning about this now and didn't lodge a police report. As usual, he can blame it on "the police is controlled by Umno"; whatever that means: "I suspected it's a conspiracy by Umno. If I had lodged a report, instead of taking action against the people responsible for drugging me, the police might charge me for using drugs... Nanti dia charge bawah seksyen 15 Akta Dadah Berbahaya, memasukkan dadah dalam tubuh sendiri, I kena masuk jail pulak. Dah la kes dengan coffeeboy tu tak selesai lagi - sakit sikit pun dah buat report, ngada-ngada betul!" "Besides that, they might also charge me under the Drug Dependants Act. Silap haribulan kena hantar ke Pusat Serenti Gambang dua tahun; kena pakai kasut canvas warna biru, kawad hari-hari." PutarBelit #87 -- "An imposter was wearing a mask of Anwar!". Now this is something new: all this while, he has been accused of wearing various masks... "Anwar bertopengkan Islam...Bertopengkan nasionalis Melayu... Wearing the mask of a liberal Malaysian" etc. But now Anwar turns the table: "You all tak tengok wayang ke? Hollywood can easily create masks of anyone. They have created masks of Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Obama... And now, someone wearing a mask of me was filmed having sex in that video. Ini mesti Umno yang mintak Hollywood buat!" PutarBelit #100 -- "Going for Broke, Point Paling SENSASI 2011": "I'm not capable of it!...Kalu tak caya, tanya Wan Azizah" --- Now this is going to Mendatangkan aib pada diri sendiri in a way, but desperate times call for desperate measures: "That video was more than 20 minutes, which proves that it couldn't have been me. I ni kan, kalau dua-tiga minit pun dah rasa macam nak kena masuk ICU. Maklumlah, engine lama, macam Datsun 120Y, Datsun Cempedak: kalau press kuat, tersedut, bergegar body, engin mampus. I ni `yang itu tak berapa strong'; kalau 20 minit, goodbye... ambulan kena angkut, sesak nafas HAHA!" Datsun Cempedak @ Datsun Bahulu at Wednesday, April 13, 2011 1 comments Labels: Anwar Ibrahim, Entertainment, Pakatan, PKR Tuesday, 12 April 2011 How to `Putarbelit' the Sex Video - *FREE*, Unsolicited Advice! The "Perut Buncit Sex Video" has revealed one thing since it first surfaced: what a bunch of bumbling incompetents the Pakatan Rakyat leaders and supporters are with their pathetic attempts to deny! But have no fear, Mat Cendana is here!®™ (Note that the sentence rhymes). I feel bad about using him as my favourite `modal' here; so now I'm going to make amends by helping Anwar wriggle out of this mess (By the way, despite the title, "it doesn't have to be free..." Know what I mean? Tapi kalu dah cheapskate sangat tu, nak buat macamana.) Firstly, Anwar should pretend to be calm and collected despite the noose tightening around his neck... and not losing his cool when a journalist asked him about the "kept by Wan Azizah Omega". Live Life Cool What a mess Anwar has made! And the attempts by Wan Azizah to help her husband have actually resulted in the noose being further tightened... the "watch is in my possession", the "I have watched the video and it is not Anwar" etc etc. Anwar needs a pro (bukan `gro' ye) to help him, and that's ME (Slot angkat bakul sendiri). The Sex Video -- It's no use denying his part in it anymore. That short clip posted on YouTube: if you've seen it, at the very best (or "worse", depending on which side you're on), you can only say "It bears a very striking resemblance to Anwar, BUT isn't him". Unfortunately, there aren't too many people who look like him, so that means.... So, "Anwar has to make lemonade from what he has now"; and I'm going to help him with that! (Eh, TEPUK lah sikit, aku jadi hero ni!) Putar #1 -- "What is wrong with Anwar having sex with his own wife?!" "HUH?? But the woman in the video isn't Wan Azizah!", you might say. No, she isn't... that is Anwar's second wife. Anwar will hold a press conference to announce that the `perut buncit' is indeed him. And then make this sensational revelation: "Her name is Yew So Syiok @ Nurul Anggun Mekar Kembang Abdullah from Guangdong, China. She was involved in immoral activities and I, being a former ABIM president who is very warak, wanted to save her. I berjaya dakwah dia...convert 20 Feb, kahwin hari sama di Sungai Golok...21 Feb balik honeymoon di Malaysia. BEST jugak Heheh!" Now, Anwar has to be prepared for the pesky questions... things like the Surat Nikah etc: "Unfortunately, I lost it. Semasa nak menyeberang balik ke Rantau Panjang, I sewa sampan. Tiba-tiba jadi tsunami; surat nikah tu hanyut. Nasib baik I selamat. Tak sempat nak mintak another copy sebab tak sabar nak balik KL. Maklum lah baru-baru kahwin ni kan HAHA!" (Kena buat joke sikit, baru lah ada `ice-breaking' dengan wartawan) (To be continued Putar #2-100... kalau aku rajin & tak ada kerja lain) at Tuesday, April 12, 2011 12 comments Labels: Anwar Ibrahim, Entertainment, Pakatan, PKR